6 thoughts on “If Only

  1. I agree 1000%.

    Hit by a truck that ran a red light, I was seven anda half months pregnant. My baby had stopped moving, but they won’t do x-rays when you’re pregnant. When she finally moved, I was elated. But then, the doctor said we’d need to wait for her birth, insisting there was no brain damage and that her nervous system remained intact. July 24th, after ongoing trips to the hospital for preventing her premature birth, she was born. Her father wasn’t there. I could no longer “perform” for him. As my spine regained its original structure, we discovered I had substantial injuries to my spinal cord that absorbed the shock, protecting my unborn baby.

    I also had a four-year-old. But no fiancè. He’d suddenly had a permanent change of heart. After sleeping on the floor for the better part of a month, I determined I needed to find a place for me and my babies. Two weeks before my moving date, my babies’ dad decided he needed a real woman—therefore, we must move out TOMORROW.

    My spine continued compressing. Soon, I could only get heavy items, such as milk, on the days my four-year-old could help me. Some days, I’d drive to the store, sit in the car and cry, before returning home, unable to shop for my kids’ food, due to the mind-blowing pain.

    Living in a shelter, one evening, I awakened unable to move at all. That’s a whole other story!

    Four years later, with me fighting like hell to work—but being unable to rise from bed before wetting myself—the jobs never lasted. That’s the four year point that the settlement finally won in court. My daughter was five and my son was nine. We went to Disneyland for her birthday as I tried desperately to make up to my children for what they’d gone through. Of course, being a one-man-band parent, who used a cane to walk short distances probably didn’t grant them the same privileges of other Disney children. And my daughter was rejected. After all, in her mind, her father was so disappointed in her that he never called or asked for visits, even though it wasn’t her doing at all.

    Twelve years later, I had to continuously catch my breath due to extreme pain in my stomach. I had spots before my eyes, threatening my consciousness. But as tight as we were on money without being able to work, I certainly wasn’t about to go to the doctor. My daughter, seven at this time, grew concerned about the paleness of my face and did what her school instructed. 9-1-1. She was excited riding in the ambulance, and they even let her sound the alarm. 🤭 The doctor commended her for saving her mother’s life. My appendix was rupturing.

    My son has moved out with his fiancé. My sixteen-year-old daughter participates with the military in preparation for the Navy. And I finally graduated with honors.

    After years of suffering. I can finally walk again. A huge benefit over those who never will. Those who have their body parts removed for survival.

    I’m one of the lucky ones.

    Throughout my life, I’ve been crippled, blinded, deafened, and endured amnesia. Every time, I’ve been fortunate enough to regain everything. And what’s more, I’m able to recall what it’s like without them. I am lucky.

    Thank you for enduring my ongoing story. I wanted you to know that some of us, a few for sure, are extremely grateful for what we have and give thanks on a daily basis.

    Thank you for the reminder that so often we do take for granted. One thing that you do have that others don’t—the same thing as I know—not one person on this planet can be aware of what tomorrow brings for them. Life happens in the form of Russian Roulette, and so far, maybe they’ve been lucky too.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes, you are so right. It is easy to take good health for granted when all is well. I used to run 10 km every day until cancer. Now I wobble around with a cane and only for a few minutes at a time. I do what I can. I wish you all the best.

    Liked by 3 people

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